Sex, Intimacy,and Passion: THE ALLMAN REPORT (FOR HER).....Different Types Of Orgasms

Here is what the experts will general tell you:

Men only have one type of orgasm (I'd argue
against that one, but let's leave that aside for
moment)...

Whereas it's fairly common knowledge that women
are capable of having different types of orgasms
based on where they are stimulated, and that
each of these types can feel significantly
different.

From the intense high-note rush and vertigo
of a clitoral orgasm, to the deep body surrender
of the cervical orgasm... it is not uncommon
for women to describe very experiences from
their climaxes.
And while there are all sorts of names for the
various erogenous spots, and many experts will
talk about the virtues and specific techniques
surrounding various points, spots, energy centers,
and nerve clusters... there is probably not a
square inch of the female body that can not
be brought to ecstatic pleasure.
And all of this is nothing but FRUSTRATING if
you are a woman who has trouble reaching climax
at all, or have NEVER reached climax. Or...
something that I think might be even more common...
if your orgasms are shallow and you're NOT
SURE whether or not you are having an orgasm.

This last situation is extremely common and
it is very similar to someone who seems to
be "unemotional" but who actually feels things
quite deeply but has learned to "dissociate"
from those feelings because of negative
consequences.

In the same way, many women who say they have
"never had an orgasm" have really just learned
to "numb out" or dissociate the pleasure so
that it is weakly felt.

The reasons for this are probably too numerous
to mention all of them, but the most common are...

1) shame around sexual pleasure instilled by
parents, culture, religion, etc.

2) past sexual abuse that anchored feelings
of sexual pleasure to fear and helplessness

3) perhaps most common of all, the inability
to feel "out of control" and the fear of
surrender to the loss of control that orgasm
represents

This last one is powerfully ingrained in our
culture of discipline and success.

Most often, the key to experiencing more
powerful and more varieties of sexual pleasure
is learning the trust, courage, and faith of
surrender. This can be a personal journey
or a shared journey as a couple with your
lover.

Here's a question that I received recently
that will give you a feeling for other women
are experiencing this...

***QUESTION***

Hi
Firstly let me say how much I admire you for being
such an unselfish loving person (after the types
of men I have experienced I didn't think people
like you existed). I will try to keep this as
short as possible but I think you will need some
detail in order to help me.

I am female and I am not sure whether I am having
orgasms or not. People tell me 'You'd know if you'd
had one' but I have lots of different sexual feelings
that I find hard to describe. And sometimes I feel
like I'm satisfied but there wasn't any massive
explosion or anything and other times I feel really
intense amazing things but again no actual explosion.
I have always been a very sexual person from the age
of 3 I think I started experimenting, but I don't
get much out of doing things to myself and I have
even tried vibrators but I find it really boring
(even though I have a high sex drive).

I have not been too lucky with men, nearly all of
them have been extremely selfish and had no
interest in pleasing me and if I'm lucky I would
get 30 seconds of penetration then they ejaculate
(no foreplay apart from me giving it to them)! Two
of these relationships lasted a long time (3 years
and 9 years).

I have met someone who I wasn't that attracted to
at first (he is no particular oil painting) we were
just friends but things slowly grew and I started
to get ridiculously wet in his presence just
sitting next to him. Things went further and it
turned out he is the most attentive, giving lover
I have ever met. He will do anything for me in
the bedroom and really pays attention to every
sound and movement I make. I am addicted to him
but I still am not sure if I'm having orgasms - I
shake for ages, have intense tingly numb fellings,
and muscle contractions but I don't actually feel
an explosion. After the contractions I feel
satisfied but they arn't what I imagined orgasm to
be like. The shaking can go on for half an hour
and the tingly throbbing feelings can go on for 30
seconds at a time then start again in another
minute or two. I am happy with my sex life now
but it's really bugging me as to whether I am
actually having orgasms or just on the edge.
Because I do feel like there's more that could
happen like I am on the edge but even though I am
now lucky enough to be with this guy (and I can't
see what else he can do he is amazing) it still
bugs me the not really knowing.

Do I sound crazy?

>>>HERE WAS MY RESPONSE TO THIS EMAIL:

   Yes, you sound crazy.

   But I think the real question you mean to be
asking is, are you experiencing orgasms?

   The first thing you have to understand is that
women experience at least 4 DIFFERENT types of
orgasms-- and that some women only experience
1 or 2 types, and only a very few experience all
of them.

   The 3 most common types are the clitoral orgasm,
the g-spot orgasm, and the cervical orgasm...

   Are you experiencing one of these?

   Well, there are some clues, but in the end, it
is like describing the color red to a blind man.

   In other words, there is no way to be sure you're
on the same page.

   But I believe you are.

   You are getting a lot of pleasure... you are
shaking and feeling contractions...

   The "no explosion", to me, might mean that they
just come on more gradually for you, rather than
suddenly.

   So what might be fun for you to try is to
see if your lover can give you g-spot orgasms.

   When you are very aroused, after lots of
fooling around or love-making, have him insert
one or two fingers inside of you with his palm
facing up. Then have him make a "come here"
motion, stroking the top wall of the vagina with
the pads of his fingers.

   Maybe you can experience a whole new type of
orgasm.

   But either way, remember that the BEST PART of
sex is not the orgasm. Especially if you have
found a partner that you truly love and connect
with.

   But here is the biggest tip I can give you:
You are probably just experiencing weak and shallow
orgasms because you are having trouble fully
surrendering.

   The fact that you find using a vibrator without
a lover "boring" suggests that, sexually, you
are more aroused by the situation, the intimacy,
the touch, than you are by simple stimulation.

   The good news here is that this is not only
normal but functionally desirable.

   Following your desire for intimacy and connection,
rather than your desire for more powerful orgasm
is going to be the key to getting both.

   So if you want to try something powerful,
just hold eye contact with him while you are
making love. Just gaze into each others eyes for
as long as you can take it. You will be amazed
by the powerful feelings you will experience.

   Over time this will not only build intimacy
and sexual trust, but you will discover that the
pleasure you get from climax will grow exponentially
over time.

   ***

   In other words, focusing on the "secret spot"
and the "technique" is often not the best path to
experiencing new types of orgasm.

   Instead, focusing on self-trust, surrender, and
(if you are with a partner - trusting him and
being willing to give yourself over to another
human), are usually the most direct pathways to
greater pleasure.

   For Passion,

   Alex
   RevolutionarySex: For Her